Daddy, meet my Father.

There are some things in life we wait forever for. Our first love, the career we’ve always wanted, or maybe to own that really chic suit jacket from Express. Some of these things can be earned or fought for, some just must be believed for. Either way, persistence and faith definitely affect the outcome of anything we desire or want. But then there is a difference between want and desperation. There are some hopes and dreams that consume us, things that we would give up everything for. They mean more than any possession or any achievement. These are the things we live and die for, that we would go to any battle for. They test our willingness to sacrifice, our ability to persevere even in the face of seeming impossibility. Then, all of a sudden, when the circumstance seems to be weighing down on the possibility of that longing ever coming to pass, it happens. It seems nearly a miracle, when that phone rings and your father, your best friend, is on the other line pouring his heart out to you about wanting to know God, about needing that love, and wanting to serve the faith he wants for himself more than you could have ever wanted it for him.

Ask and it shall be given unto you. My God is mighty to save.

questions

I think I have a problem with the idea of soul searching. We often use this term when we are in a state of uncertainty or confusion. When our lives seem a bit chaotic or disjointed, we try looking inside ourselves for the answers. We spend hours, days even, mulling over present circumstances and possibilities…tearing apart and putting back together the potential building blocks for our lives. But in all actuality by pulling the chaos around us into our minds for analyzing, we only cloud our thoughts more. There is one voice we should be listening for, for any question or any concern. We’re always looking for a sign, for a feeling, to tell us what we should do. But the real answers come when our minds find rest, when we are patiently waiting, expectant for answers to come. We find peace in the moments that we humble ourselves to the understanding that we cannot possibly grasp the full potential life has in store for us. If we constantly allow our minds to teem with questions, never giving room for conviction or simple, unadulterated faith, we won’t hear what is in store for us. We learn more by listening than we ever will by talking. I myself am constantly needing answers and guidance, but I know that they will come. And I’ve got a pretty reliable source that says those answers will come in the form of a still small voice. So patiently I wait, and faithfully I work until that day arrives, wasting no present moment over the uncertainty of the next.

squandered

it must be myself whom I fear;
not circumstance or situation.
why this separation takes so much,
how it finds such control
i do not understand.
every moment is like an era,
a period in which i cannot move
for the fear that i would turn
and find that love still missing.
i am ever wondering if it is enough,
that which i give and say and do.
i seek but i do not find,
i hope but for what i have yet to see.
so then it is my mistake for leaning,
for relying on a risk too great.
i take chances with no hesitation,
but today it seems i took to many.
it isn’t the absence which hurts me now,
but the wound to my pride caused by folly.

There are seasons in everyone’s lives that seem to pull hard and fast in the opposite direction of everything we want in life. Friends, family, and just day to day activity do little but to overwhelm us at every turn. We fight just to keep our heads above water, while at the same time feel that just as we come up for breath, one of those three factors is there pulling us back under again. So here we all are, treading water in this massive pool called existence, looking around for miles and seeing only the pool of worry and stress and weakness. Questions float by, drifting in front of us but are of no use to keep us afloat and they continue past unanswered, blurring our vision of an endless horizon. It could be easily assumed that if you’re alone, floating in the middle of the ocean and metaphorical floaties of questions are bobbing near you, you probably aren’t going to get rescued. In fact, you’ll probably drown. The funny thing is, this sort of situation in real life would probably get you found so long as you stayed put, but in the ocean of life, you have to swim; past the questions, into the endless horizon, and with no faith in any thing put your arms and legs, yourself. As we begin to take these steps to remove ourselves from our current situation small bits of help will start appearing, little glimpses of land will catch your eye and give you the hope to carry on.  In this ocean you must create your current, stir up yourself and the situation around you. At some point you may reach a boat, or a ship, or maybe several of each. Don’t kid yourself, you did enough at this point swimming all that way. Grab the hands of the people who reach out to help you. A man named Jonah sunk once. Actually, he kind of got swallowed. But he prayed a prayer from the bottom of the ocean. ‘Lord, I am at the bottom of the sea, at the root of the earth, but I cry out to you and you hear me and you rescue me.’ At this point, your body is still bobbing around on the surface. Jo got ate and he got ate good. There is no place in life that you can end up that you cannot be rescued from. Call, swim, but whatever you do, forget trying to tread water the rest of your life. It’s your ocean and only you control where it takes you.

untitled one

there is a light dying today.
fires may rage around it,
it could be soaked in voltage.
will it not burn, will it not glow?
my heart grows cold and  lonely;
i cannot feel your warmth
and i cannot see your face.
but please show me the soul in you,
at least that which remains.

blogger held captive by school

There is a clock that beckons me.
perhaps the time has truly come.
the toll has certainly been paid.
those bells ring clear, with purpose.
there is a face smiling down upon me.
i cannot help but run towards it.