if it kills me

I have been choking on my words,
they create a pain behind my eyes
and a tremor in my soul.

Sometimes I wish to be alone in this,
to believe I have the only one.
I know I am not

the only one stuck inside their mind,
unable to escape reality.

happiness will damn near destroy you.

I carefully craft my countenance
to create a sense of comfort.
Can you just imagine what might occur
if I took a chance on candor.

There is far too much on the line.
honesty is easy, fiction’s where genius lies.

If only to tell how she disappoints,
how he leaves me to wonder.

I just want to be certain, to be steady.
To stand on someone else’s two feet.

I am the feet of many.

i can’t give you what you think you gave me.

Wisdom says to lay it at His feet.
He will be my footprints in the sand.

But I already know I can count on Him.
I want to count on the hims and hers.

I don’t want to be alone in my thoughts,
I don’t want the truth to hurt.

This even is not enough.
My mind is still caught in my throat.

I fear I shall be shut up forever,
no words to say, no silence to break.

I may rip myself in two,
storing up that which I fear will offend.

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